ok guys, i'm sorry i've been silent for so long... lots of pressure here and there, well, i've been up to a lot and just before the official month of love ends(i laugh in swahili.... month of love kor month of love ni, love is meant to be an everyday thing and not restricted to one day or month, but since the wicked world we live in has agreed to celebrate love in february, who am i not to seize this opportunity) i'm gonna be posting on the topic i themed :Myths and Realities of Love.
Before we go on i have a piece of advice for the ladies: A Guy who does not love God cannot love you. stop saying he will change, if the holy spirit has not changed him who are you?
then an advice for the guys too: " Before you open your mouth to say ‘I love you’,
ask yourself if this is not just a moment of ‘emotional madness’. A lady needs
much more than ‘I love you’. She needs your commitment. If you are not ready to
make that commitment that will lead to marriage, please leave her alone in
peace and stop wasting her time..
ok i hope u all had a good laugh but yet i meant those words, think deeply about them. Love and relationship is meant to be fun, fulfilling and aimed towards a
purpose. It is not meant to be managed or patched but it is meant to blossom.
It is meant to be heaven on earth.
i know you think i'm talking from reading too many happily ever after novels, if u think so then
check the scripture, God called the idea of “marriage/love” GOOD. So without
further ado, let me start with the
MYTHS:
*It is extremely false to think
relationship completes a person, it doesn’t. It is God that completes one. When
you know yourself, have God, identify your purpose, and walk in it, then you
will enjoy a level of satisfaction and fulfillment that no one can give you.
*Secondly, it is not true that two
good friends lose their closeness when they start to date. By all means, marry
your friend, there’s nothing better than that, trust me.
*Thirdly, the idea that there cannot
be a relationship without “drama” is certainly false. There is a thin line
between challenges and “drama”. Challenges make couples stronger while drama is
simply unnecessary and it can tear couples apart.
*It is false to think you can change a person or a person’s core values. Every being has his or her own belief system and this belief system gravitates into value and Vices. This belief system emanates from culture, background, upbringing and most of all, experience. The Values of a Pastor’s son who was raised to believe in God, righteousness and uprightness would differ from the Son of a divorced couple.
So also in relationships, people differ in their belief system. This is why it is key to always ask logical questions amidst the raging of emotions. Sometimes, your lifestyle could influence another to change his belief system or values but you cannot mandate anyone to change their values. Whatever noble character you love to see, if it is not visible in your relationship, it may not be visible in marriage. Bottom line is, as much as we are a change agent, we cannot make others into what we want them to be.
*The phrase “Relationships cannot work without sexual intimacy “is so far from true. Sexual intercourse is a NO NO before marriage.
REALITIES
*It is best one marries his/her friend. Many people say, “I can’t marry him/her because we are too close or we are good friends”. When I hear this statement I am confused because, i am like “who else are you supposed to marry? Your enemy?” Don't get it twisted, after GOD, the next most important pillar in marriage is FRIENDSHIP, if these two are missing, then you have NOTHING. Always remember that things do not have to get bad or awkward when you date your friend.
*It is best one marries his/her friend. Many people say, “I can’t marry him/her because we are too close or we are good friends”. When I hear this statement I am confused because, i am like “who else are you supposed to marry? Your enemy?” Don't get it twisted, after GOD, the next most important pillar in marriage is FRIENDSHIP, if these two are missing, then you have NOTHING. Always remember that things do not have to get bad or awkward when you date your friend.
*The values of two people who intend
to get married must align, it is not negotiable. I am not saying wishful
thinking or unrealistic expectations but VALUES that makes you “YOU”. If it
doesn’t align then you might have to slow down or invariably part ways. That is
why when you meet someone you are interested in, get to know their core values
early enough so you avoid being hurt or heartbroken afterwards.
Relationship/marriage is for two individuals who know their identity and
purpose in life.
*There is no relationship or marriage
without Vulnerability. If you are not ready to lose yourself you are not ready
to love. Marriage is about being open. You cannot box yourself in and love at
the same time (you have to drop your secretive nature).
It is very possible to have a
blissful relationship that can be called, “heaven on earth”. But these comes
with sacrifices, decisions to eliminate DRAMA (unnecessary attitude, anger,
over flogging issues, inability to say sorry, pride, selfishness and a “ME-ME”
syndrome). I am a living witness but ehn, na sacrifice and work but it is
super possible.
*Become the kind of partner you want
to attract. A lot of people want a God fearing, nice, selfless partner etc. The
question is do you have what it takes to keep such a partner. Remember this
popular saying, can you DATE you?
*It is best to make the choice of who
you want to marry based on Convictions and not just emotions. It takes two
convinced people to make a relationship work. Can two work together except they
agree?
*Hurting people hurt people…(confusing statement? re-read till u understand then continue) So let
God heal you. Also, Healing is a process, so do not rush it. God does not cover
up wounds, He heals wounds.
*You cannot desire God’s will or
direction and also want to have your way .Most people eliminate the “God
Factor” and “Test the Waters” which is also known as trial and error. If you
want to do the “let’s date and see what happens” then date all the way, but be
rest assured that uncertainty, hurt and pain may be inevitable but if you want
to Trust the Lord with all your heart without leaning on your own
understanding, (Proverbs 3:5) then trust the Lord all the way. Though this path
may be unconventional, long, painful a times, you are rest assured of a
glorious end. I strongly believe the wisest man on Earth (Solomon) knew what he
was saying when he said that (Proverbs3:5).
If you do not have an active
relationship with God where you hear Him in the small and minute things, trust
me, you won’t hear him in the big things. This is not because He isn’t speaking
but because you haven’t exercised your ears in listening to him.
According to late Pastor Bimbo
Odukoya, courtship is for INTERVIEW and not INTERCOURSE. Never put the cart
before the horse.
*It is very possible to be chaste in
one’s relationship and also possible not to kiss;(chai see as u dey use bad eye look me... u think say i wan spoil ur market? oya if una wan kiss u can kiss with bbm or whatsapp kiss smiley like this
Above all PRAY! PRAY!! PRAY!!!
that brings us to the end of this interesting episode... sit still, love you all, thanks for your continued reading, in a few days i'll be introducing two new things, One is a guest columnist who writes almost better than i do and then also is a series that is bound to keep you riveted to you r screen.
i am committed to giving you the best.. feel free to contact me on ministereffizey.facebook,com or tgbamila@gmail.com for enquiries.
