He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I
returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched -
he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call
him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived
alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and
again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living
room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee
table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about
without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I
have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him,
removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at
me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I
keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes
hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I
hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I
smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed
the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this
is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would
bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no
longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him
and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of
paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby
will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby,
infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.
Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he
is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by
his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can
hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted
to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
WATCH OUT FOR THE FINAL EPISODE...
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
#GetInspired
