A SAD TALE PART 5

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. 

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. 

Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated. 

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him. 

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. 

WATCH OUT FOR THE FINAL EPISODE...

Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation

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THE DEATH SERIES: EPISODE 2: WHY LONG LIFE?

I hope you enjoyed Episode 1 and i hope you got blessed? if you want me to expantiate more on how you can prepare for death like i suggested in episode 1 stay tuned and i'm sure by the end of the series you will be better educated.

Today's episode is titled Why Long Life?

First of all please don't get me wrong i am not against people having a full and long life, what i am against is having a long life void of impact. i feel like of what use is it living till 120 years of age as a liability being carried about, what use is it being 75years old and you are a security man on a street earning less than 5,000 a month and you are still praying for long life? i feel somehow when you see 80years old men living under the bridge or on the streets(you think i'm exagerrating? you need to visit Lagos) and still praying for long life. Long life is good, but why not make it worth it?

Many times i thank God that he doesn't think like man, because if he did i'm quite sure many who have failed to discover purpose would have been withdrawn from the earth long ago... however that's a conversation for another day.

Why long life? when next you decide to pray for long life, imagine God asking you why do you want to live long? and watch out for your answers

i came across a post by a Pastor Friend of mine that asked a factual question that i throw to you today...
Which is the better prayer: TO DIE OLD
                                              or
                                      TO DIE EMPTY

in other words it is possible for one to live to very old age and yet not use up to 30percent of the potentials deposited in him. to me that is a wasted life; however one can  die at a relatively young age and yet have lived life to it's fullest capacity, emptying all his/her God given ability into the world in the time spent here on earth.

Jesus Died at the age of 33 and yet you would agree with me that  he had fulfilled purpose on earth
Archbishop Idahosa died at the age of 60 and you would agree with me that he had lived life to capacity.
Myles Munroe also died at the age of 60 and if you think he didn't fulfill purpose then think again

Now while i would personally have loved that these people had lived longer(so i could get to meet them personally and get impacted more) yet their minisrty proves they left lasting legacies behind.

hence, a long life does not automatically mean a fulfilled life. neither does the fact that a person doesn't live to be 80, 90 or 100 years old mean that he didn't fulfil destiny.

My conclusion on the matter is this, longlife is good, but make sure it's purpose driven, in the words of Myles Munroe(1954-2014) " the greatest tragedy in life is not death, but life without purpose"
so when next you open your mouth to pray ask yourself, Do i pray to to die old or to die empty?
God Bless You.  have a great weekend

Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
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THE DEATH SERIES: EPISODE 1: PREPARE FOR DEATH

Calvary greetings to my very lovely friends, family, well wishers and fans, and even first time readers,

I know the topic seems kinda scary but I must say it is a topic that needs to be talked about.

I'll be talking from several perspectives during these episodes and I hope you all flow along with me as I attempt to look at things from an angle that defies the status quo. The articles will also not be lengthy but just enough to spark up new patterns of reasoning

Disclaimer: Please I know I might offend the Religious sensibilities of some people, please pardon me, it is not a religious post and I am simply committed to viewing things as they are:
Finally my aim is to Demystify Death and thus making death lose it's power on the child of God. Join me on this series
EPISODE 1 is titled: PREPARE FOR DEATH

What exactly is death? the Dictionary defines death as- the action or fact of dying or being killed; the end of the life of a person or organism.
 and truly for all intent and purposes this definition serves

Now the truth is this: even from primary school days or was it early secondary school days when we were taught attributes of living things (MR NIGER D) we have all known that death is the final end of man. however, although intellectually we all know that one day we shall die, generally we are so reluctant to think of our death that this knowledge does not touch our hearts, and we live our life as if we were going to be in this world forever.

As a result the things of this world – such as material possessions, reputation, popularity, and the pleasures of the senses – become of paramount importance, so we devote almost all our time and energy to obtaining them and engage in many negative actions for their sake. We are so preoccupied with the concerns of this life that there is little room in our mind for genuine spiritual practice. When the time of death actually arrives we discover that by having ignored death all our life we are completely unprepared.

My dad's favourite saying on death is: "It is only a fool that does not prepare for what he cannot avoid"

he would at intervals call us and say, when I die, I want you to do this and do that... as at the time I was 15years old, I knew my father wanted to be buried anywhere he died, he didn't want any transporting of his body from one state to the other and most importantly he didn't want anyone to borrow even a kobo to bury him. by the way i'm in my late 20's now and my dad is still very much alive and well, but we all know what to do and what steps to take if he dies, or if his wife(of course my mum) dies or if they both die.

Another recent case is that handled by one of my Pastors(I won't say his name for confidential reasons) where by the time the man died, his family rushed in with a list of all the man's proiperties to make sure the wife didn't hide anything. they stripped this woman empty even before the burial, then proceded to put her through all sort of inhumane experiences in this age and time all in the name of culture.

There have been several other scenarios of people who die unexpectedly leaving their family with huge bills to settle in burial and other things, there have been cases of people who have numerous assets but die without disclosure hence their family live in poverty after their deaths.


Hence my first conclusion for today is simple: I won't in anyway stop anyone from praying for longlife  but While Praying For Long life and prosperity, start preparing for death... make physical plans to have your estate in order, to take care of family and children (if any) basically do all you can to make life easier for those you will leave behind...

Inspiration Is The Gateway To Transformation
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