Wednesday, 19 August 2015
Friday, 14 August 2015
A SAD TALE FINAL PART
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following
year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby
came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and
had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs,
stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat
off my brow, throughout the
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction
pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did? He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction
pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his.... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer.
Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."
I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went
into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I
had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he
wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to
take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now.... I know that
in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if
only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be.
But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here
all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your
lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's
suggestion ... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if
I have accompanied you through life journey. To be
honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most...." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.
Hubby has also written a letter for me: "My dear, to marry
you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you,
forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be
in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby.... My dear, if you
cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you
for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our
son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every
year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging...
"
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I
brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes
and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your
arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son
still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press
the button on the camera and the sound of
the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...
the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever...." Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."...... ...
This is a true story.
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..
LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience..... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge..
People please let's live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is the key.
Take greatest care and live on
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
#GetInspired
A SAD TALE PART 5
He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I
returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched -
he had returned to take some of his stuff.. I no longer wish to call
him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived
alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and
again every time I see a guy
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.
One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living
room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee
table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about
without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I
have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him,
removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at
me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I
keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes
hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I
hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I
smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me.
Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed
the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this
is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can
leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.
Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would
bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no
longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him
and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of
paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby
will try to come into the bedroom,
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet... This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off
continuing but I continuously ignored him.
Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby,
infant products, children products and books that kids like to read.
Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he
is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by
his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can
hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted
to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.
WATCH OUT FOR THE FINAL EPISODE...
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
#GetInspired
A SAD TALE PART 4
The next day, I did not go to work.. I wanted to clear this
out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his
secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic
accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed
to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed
away. Hubby did not look at me,
His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
His face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen?
Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to
me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to
find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day,
after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop,
apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the
countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she
tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her... I finally
understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that
morning, if we had not quarreled, if.... In his heart, I am indirectly
the killer of his mother.
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night
with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt
and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell
him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the
dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth
just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and
thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my
fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days
went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us
continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each
other. I am like the dead knot in his heart. One day, I passed by a
western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a
girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for
her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of
shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared
hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and
there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby,
stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped
her. He stared back at me, challenging me.. I can only hear my slow
heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I
eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.
WATCHOUT FOR PART 5...IT DROPS IN A FEW HOURS, SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG TO GET EMAIL ALERTS
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
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Thursday, 13 August 2015
A SAD TALE PART 3
The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother
and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be
rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I
could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited
everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying
and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the
washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes... I opened
my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.
We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a
look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house.
Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the
stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone
call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best
and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I
keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for
food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low
point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you
should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.
Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful
morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news.
Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought
of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital
entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days,
but he looked haggard. I had wanted
To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
To turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and
the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the
blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched
on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was
removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the
bank deposit book and some money and
left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.
WATCH OUT FOR PART 4... YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO GET LIVE UPDATES
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A SAD TALE PART 2
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare
the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the
wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like
the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice.
She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her
silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am
exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the
luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and
hence I turned a deaf ear to all the
protest mother makes.
protest mother makes.
From time to time, mother would help out with some
housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For
example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so
that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with
all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when
helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would
quietly wash them again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly
washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very
loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after
that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a
spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad
and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said:
"Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating
from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to
please. In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast,
mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without
any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby
happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for
having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing
breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to
work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me:
"LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why
you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me
alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me.. After some
time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I
am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation,
#GetInspired
A SAD TALE PART 1
HELLO FOLKS... for today i will post a story that will no doubt touch you. picked it up from a friend and was told it's a true life story. (The Story is told from a woman's perspective)
N.B though the original source of the story cannot be assertained, I AM NOT THE WRITER of this particular story. i am just sharing because of the valuable life lessons in the story.
However i have broken it into 6 parts, for easy reading, would post them at intervals within the next few days
Here we go:
Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the
idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her
remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still
very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to
provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say
that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a
woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and
started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to
let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright
room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and
round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother".
Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest
and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the
tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses
to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously
until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of
panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle
with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the
living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know
how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You
also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the
house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble
away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you
will get use to it". Mother stopped saying anything.
But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers,
she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her
head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of
shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I
would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it..
Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't
tell her the full price of everything would solve it."
There begins the
friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Watch out for part 2... to get updates instantly, you can scroll to the bottom of this page and subscribe to email alerts...
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation,
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Wednesday, 12 August 2015
THE BELIEVER'S PLIGHT 1
I Don come again with my usual weird titles... Well weird but important.
Today's discuss is simple, and if you disagree with me feel free to voice your comments.
I grew up hearing this statement, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich. In fact I heard it as a song and as a recitation, even before I found out it was in the bible it had been sunk into my head.(take note).
I grew up hearing this statement, let the weak say I am strong, let the poor say I am rich. In fact I heard it as a song and as a recitation, even before I found out it was in the bible it had been sunk into my head.(take note).
Thus for as far back as I can remember whenever I fall sick I would run to my parents and say I am strong, they would then monitor me and take me to the hospital.
Fast forward to when I started working, I woke up one morning and was so weak. Decided to go to the office and ask for a day or two off. And so I marched to my boss' office confidently and said to her, "ma please I would like to take today and tomorrow off," "why?" She asked? 'I'm feeling strong' . she looked at me, smiled knowingly and said, only the sick need rest. Since you are strong. Go back to work.
I kept looking at her as a devil in disguise and I worked under splitting headaches all day, finally closed and by the second day I couldn't get out of bed. I had to call in sick(so my salary would not be deducted for absence)
Shockingly as soon as I called her and in my shaky voice told her I was too ill to come to the office, she chuckled and said to myself, rest, take medications and also take the next day off to revocer properly. I was stunned... Was this not the same woman who refused me permission to get some rest the day before?
I resolved to talk to her candidly once i was fit and back in the office... I had several questions for her.
When i said i was strong(Professing my faith) she refused me leave
when i admitted being sick, i got an extra day off work
Was she trying to kill my faith? but she is supposedly a believer also?
watch out for the concluding episode.....
Inspiration is the Gateway to Transformation
#Getinspired
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