Well sha i hope you came with your james bond gear... cos today we're out to locate and eliminate some assassins that are targeting your relationships... May God help us to do justice to this... as usual, your opinions and additions are very important and welcome.
so we go straight into the business of the day,
1. Too Many Expectations –
bro many times you want her to know what you want without saying it? sister, you expect him to remember almost everything even when he has got several matters demanding his attention? Yes, we are in love and you sure mean a lot to us but we are human as well. Expect more and see more faults, expect less and you will be able to appreciate your partner more. i once read somewhere that instead of expectation you could replace it with expectancy... you know that expectant feeling when you don't know what your partner's gonna say or do? when you go to see your partner with the expectancy of having an interesting date? not necessarily an expectation of collecting a big gift? (you get the drift?) basically when you have too many expectations, you're a step away from easy disappointment, but when you go into a relationship without expecting the whole world, it makes it easier for your spouse to pleasantly surprise you. you would learn to appreciate the little things he/she does, instead of saying, isn't that what is expected of him/her?
try this exercize for a month,( for the ladies everytime you go out, calculate the amount spent and assume you have to pay, for the guys every time she pays her way to your place calcullate the amount she pays, the amount of the little things she buys for you, the litle things she does for you you would otherwise have paid for, document this down, and then at the end of the month see how much he/she has saved you) you will discover that the little things you take for granted actually sum up to a lot.
2. Lies –
Well, this cannot be overstretched. it's an open secret that trust is the basis of any good relationship and the more you lie to your partner, the lesser he/she trusts you, and when trust is gone in a relationship, that’s trouble!
3. Not sharing –
No one forms a relationship by themselves. It takes two to get at it. A balanced relationship demands the effort of the-two involved. It’s about what you-two bring to the center. The pressure would be one-sided if one person chooses to be greedy. Sharing is one of many things that powers a relationship and makes it balance. this cuts across finance to other aspects,
4. Romance Wanted –
Absence of romance in a relationship makes it boring. There are ways to get at this, Romance is sensual and not always intimate.(i still believe in No to pre marital sex) Identify those things that could create an intimate moment, things that sponsors good connection between you- two and starting doing them. The importance is simply to keep the attraction alive.
a major mistake many men make here is that soon as they get married they stop doing all those things they did that got the girl so so excited to be with them. Marrriage shouldn't stop romance, it should open it up to a whole new level
5. Blaming Your Partner -
Yes! Keep blaming your partner for everything that’s wrong in your relationship and watch it die slowly. When you see more of his/her faults, there will always be something to complain about and the more the
complains the more the relationship would lose its value. even if your partner is wrong, there are subtle ways to correct him/her without pouring blames outrightly, many times also the ability to shoulder blames for the good of the relationship is necessary
6. Lack of Communication/ wrong communication –
Not in the area of phone calling or text messages though also important but specifically in the awareness of things to do or how to do them. Both parties must be kept abreast of what’s coming. Make your moves, schedules, work or some family related details clear to your partner. Always keeping them in the dark brings about uncertainties that could cause regular misunderstanding in a relationship. for instance i have a perfect example of my girlfriend that i could use to illustrate this point but i'm sorry i won't be able to because i haven't talked it over with her, and i know she hates publicity, so my going ahead to use her to illustrate this point would mean i am insensitive to her feelings(that's what i would be communicating by doing it)
7. Cohabitation –
It’s one of the easiest ways to make your partner get fed up with the relationship. When you become too regular, so many things could lose its value and get lost accordingly.a man who is living with a woman he is not married too will sooner or later be seen as a leech or gold digger at the very least, and at worst as an irresponsible person who is not man enough, if not by the woman, then by her friends and family, and a woman who lives with a man she is not maried to will sooner or later lose her respect, as she will be expected to fulfill all the duties of a married woman, and before you know it, the man would not see any need to 'put a ring on it' since he has all the benefits provided by a ring and none of the 'bondage' of a ring. this is stirictly a no no. don't think about it.
below is a researched statisctics shown in graphical form
Having the space for regular conversation strengthens your relationship and if it’s an LDR,(Long Distance Relationship) you either could talk regularly on phone or pick a day or two in every week for this. Good time spent together reveals a lot, strengthens the bond, secures the relationship and it helps in no little measure.
in summary; If there are issues not discussed in a relationship, it could make both partners keep hurtful secrets and in-turn produce
beautiful lies. Blaming your partner while you appear to be without fault doesn't make you in-charge but out rightly discharging the strength of the union. Cohabiting, though allowed in many countries is one major reason relationships will always lose its value quickly and another reason men and women would be used and abandoned. Somethings do NOT go together with a relationship and do remember that the best of relationships comes with several sacrifices made.
Finally remember in all things to put God as the foundation of your relationship*in kore's voice* "a three cord is not easily broken" (in fact i gotta review the whole song...)
so we go straight into the business of the day,
1. Too Many Expectations –
bro many times you want her to know what you want without saying it? sister, you expect him to remember almost everything even when he has got several matters demanding his attention? Yes, we are in love and you sure mean a lot to us but we are human as well. Expect more and see more faults, expect less and you will be able to appreciate your partner more. i once read somewhere that instead of expectation you could replace it with expectancy... you know that expectant feeling when you don't know what your partner's gonna say or do? when you go to see your partner with the expectancy of having an interesting date? not necessarily an expectation of collecting a big gift? (you get the drift?) basically when you have too many expectations, you're a step away from easy disappointment, but when you go into a relationship without expecting the whole world, it makes it easier for your spouse to pleasantly surprise you. you would learn to appreciate the little things he/she does, instead of saying, isn't that what is expected of him/her?try this exercize for a month,( for the ladies everytime you go out, calculate the amount spent and assume you have to pay, for the guys every time she pays her way to your place calcullate the amount she pays, the amount of the little things she buys for you, the litle things she does for you you would otherwise have paid for, document this down, and then at the end of the month see how much he/she has saved you) you will discover that the little things you take for granted actually sum up to a lot.
2. Lies –
Well, this cannot be overstretched. it's an open secret that trust is the basis of any good relationship and the more you lie to your partner, the lesser he/she trusts you, and when trust is gone in a relationship, that’s trouble!
3. Not sharing –
No one forms a relationship by themselves. It takes two to get at it. A balanced relationship demands the effort of the-two involved. It’s about what you-two bring to the center. The pressure would be one-sided if one person chooses to be greedy. Sharing is one of many things that powers a relationship and makes it balance. this cuts across finance to other aspects,
4. Romance Wanted –
Absence of romance in a relationship makes it boring. There are ways to get at this, Romance is sensual and not always intimate.(i still believe in No to pre marital sex) Identify those things that could create an intimate moment, things that sponsors good connection between you- two and starting doing them. The importance is simply to keep the attraction alive.a major mistake many men make here is that soon as they get married they stop doing all those things they did that got the girl so so excited to be with them. Marrriage shouldn't stop romance, it should open it up to a whole new level
5. Blaming Your Partner -
Yes! Keep blaming your partner for everything that’s wrong in your relationship and watch it die slowly. When you see more of his/her faults, there will always be something to complain about and the more thecomplains the more the relationship would lose its value. even if your partner is wrong, there are subtle ways to correct him/her without pouring blames outrightly, many times also the ability to shoulder blames for the good of the relationship is necessary
6. Lack of Communication/ wrong communication –
Not in the area of phone calling or text messages though also important but specifically in the awareness of things to do or how to do them. Both parties must be kept abreast of what’s coming. Make your moves, schedules, work or some family related details clear to your partner. Always keeping them in the dark brings about uncertainties that could cause regular misunderstanding in a relationship. for instance i have a perfect example of my girlfriend that i could use to illustrate this point but i'm sorry i won't be able to because i haven't talked it over with her, and i know she hates publicity, so my going ahead to use her to illustrate this point would mean i am insensitive to her feelings(that's what i would be communicating by doing it)
7. Cohabitation –
below is a researched statisctics shown in graphical form
8. Pretense –
You seem to be too cool at everything because you want to impress him/her, that’s trouble!what happened to being yourself? no matter how much you try to pretend one ay the pretense will wear off and him/her will see through you, or you pretend to like everything he/she says or does, you gotta learn to be open about the things you like and do not like.(of course wisdom and attimes tact in necesary in doing this,) but you can only pretend for so long. and the consequences are usually disastrous9. Poor Timing –
Whatsoever is sharing your quality time with your partner needs to be transferred on another time slot.Having the space for regular conversation strengthens your relationship and if it’s an LDR,(Long Distance Relationship) you either could talk regularly on phone or pick a day or two in every week for this. Good time spent together reveals a lot, strengthens the bond, secures the relationship and it helps in no little measure.
and last but in no way the least
10. Issues not discussed –
There could be some areas you desire to have your partner change or get better at. If you choose to keep mute about it and you such keeps receiving your attention and you just can't ignore, it kills relationships slowly. issues not discussed leads to pent up anger, emotions, rage and eventually terrible explotion from which there is usually no return.in summary; If there are issues not discussed in a relationship, it could make both partners keep hurtful secrets and in-turn produce
beautiful lies. Blaming your partner while you appear to be without fault doesn't make you in-charge but out rightly discharging the strength of the union. Cohabiting, though allowed in many countries is one major reason relationships will always lose its value quickly and another reason men and women would be used and abandoned. Somethings do NOT go together with a relationship and do remember that the best of relationships comes with several sacrifices made.
Finally remember in all things to put God as the foundation of your relationship*in kore's voice* "a three cord is not easily broken" (in fact i gotta review the whole song...)
